Current:Home > NewsWhen you 'stop running from it' and know you’ve outgrown your friend group -TradeWise
When you 'stop running from it' and know you’ve outgrown your friend group
View
Date:2025-04-11 22:54:45
Yes, romantic relationships are great. But there's something special about long-term friendships – the giggle-worthy gossip, the inside jokes, the unmatched comfort level built on years of trust. But what happens when your friendship changes, and what once came so easy shifts into unanswered texts, missed phone calls and nary a like on social media?
The TikTok trend where people have decided to "stop running from it" refers to those who return from a social setting with friends, only to realize that they've outgrown their relationships – and perhaps avoided their own emotions along the way.
If this sounds like you, friendship experts don't want you to worry. It's normal for friendships to evolve over time. Just keep an eye out for some warning signs it might be time to hit pause on a friendship (or in some cases, say goodbye for good).
"Like any relationship, friendships are a two-way street," says Carla Marie Manly, host of podcast "Imperfect Love" and author of "The Joy of Imperfect Love." "If both people aren’t invested in making the relationship viable in the long run, the friendship will falter over time."
How to tell if your friendship is on the rocks
Sometimes outgrowing a friendship is simple: You just don't want to see them. "A major sign of outgrowing a friendship is a lack of interest in meeting up with a friend," Manly says. "This apathy can even shift over time into overt avoidance." Maybe this friend drains your energy if you're doing all the outreach, or maybe they just aren't as fun to be around anymore. Or you've discovered you have very little in common anymore.
Expect this to happen with people you've known a long time. Some people will stagnate in their lives and expect the same of their friendships. Others will grow and likely want something more.
You might even harbor a lot of feelings for someone but still not want to devote that much time to them, or you just don't have any to give. That's OK. "If you find yourself losing interest, you still care for this person, but aren't as interested in those updates, because it doesn't feel relevant to where you are, and you feel the engagement drop in that way, that could be a sign as well," says Danielle Bayard Jackson, friendship educator and author of "Fighting for our Friendships."
It could also be simple on the other end of the spectrum, where you're butting heads with your friend or sitting with that walking-on-eggshells feeling. Spoiler alert: The shells will crack.
"This is an indicator that the friendship is misaligned and you may have outgrown it," says T.M. Robinson-Mosley, counseling psychologist, "especially if you look at disagreements that devolve into personal attacks."
Girl, it's so confusing sometimes:Lorde, Charli XCX’s viral moment and the truth about friendship breakups
Just because it's over doesn't mean you failed
Judging a friendship by how long it lasted, or the fact it didn't last forever, is not necessarily the best metric to use when thinking about your friends. Is a successful friendship one that never ends? Or one where you two really loved each other during the time you were together?
Experts say friendship circles twist and turn over time, too. One study even found that we tend to replace half our friends every seven years.
"Our availability changes, the things that brought us together change. So you almost have to anticipate that happening," Jackson says.
Why might this occur? Think of it in terms of life stages. Did you meet friends in college? At work? A parenting class? Friendship changes happen frequently when people reach their mid-20s and their priorities take them in all kinds of directions – especially if and when the alcohol fog of your early 20s wears off.
In case you missed:Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and the power of (and need for) male friendship
Is your friendship worth saving?
Generally, as long as there hasn't been some kind of toxic behavior or abuse, it's not a bad idea to leave that friendship door ajar.
You may be tempted to only see a black-and-white approach to friendship via your TikTok algorithm: Someone "wronged" you and therefore you need to set a "boundary." Don't let it deter you from friendship altogether.
Why might some reach that conclusion, though? "I wonder if sometimes we want to put such a finality to it, because it gives us a sense of control," Jackson says.
But if leaving a friendship means being more yourself, it's likely worth the breakup.
veryGood! (181)
Related
- See you latte: Starbucks plans to cut 30% of its menu
- NBA trade deadline tracker: Keeping tabs on all of the deals, and who is on the move
- Sébastien Haller fires Ivory Coast into Africa Cup final against Nigeria. Hosts beat Congo 1-0
- Man with ties to China charged in plot to steal blueprints of US nuclear missile launch sensors
- A White House order claims to end 'censorship.' What does that mean?
- Morally questionable, economically efficient
- CPKC railroad lags peers in offering sick time and now some dispatchers will have to forfeit it
- Nick Saban joining ESPN’s ‘College GameDay’ road show
- Small twin
- Biden Administration partners with US sports leagues, player unions to promote nutrition
Ranking
- Tarte Shape Tape Concealer Sells Once Every 4 Seconds: Get 50% Off Before It's Gone
- NFL’s first Super Bowl in Las Vegas has plenty of storylines plus an interesting football matchup
- Ohio State, LSU headline the winners and losers from college football signing day
- Father accused of killing his 5-year-old daughter does not attend start of trial
- 'Survivor' 47 finale, part one recap: 2 players were sent home. Who's left in the game?
- Inside a Gaza hospital as U.S. doctors help carry out a small miracle to save a young life shattered by war
- CDC is investigating gastrointestinal sickness on luxury cruise ship Queen Victoria
- Horoscopes Today, February 8, 2024
Recommendation
North Carolina trustees approve Bill Belichick’s deal ahead of introductory news conference
Question marks over China's economy have stocks on a long downward slide
U.S. kills senior leader of Iran-backed Kataib Hezbollah in strike in Iraq, says senior U.S. official
NTSB to release cause of fiery Norfolk Southern derailment in eastern Ohio at June hearing
EU countries double down on a halt to Syrian asylum claims but will not yet send people back
Precious Moments figurines could be worth thousands of dollars if they meet these conditions
'Lisa Frankenstein' review: Goth girl meets cute corpse in Diablo Cody's horror rom-com
16-year-old arrested in Illinois for allegedly planning a school shooting